You’re never truly alone

The dogs were just barking for no reason as I stood in the kitchen putting on some brown rice.

Knowing nobody else was in the house, for my own amusement I tried to make loud groany noises to distract the dogs from their barkery. The louder they barked for no reason, the louder and groanier and shoutier I got. It wasn’t helping, but that didn’t really change what I was doing.

I think I had in my mind the whiney 4 year old I had to sit next to in a waiting room yesterday, he spoke perfectly clearly when he wanted to but when he didn’t get his way, he switched to a language of groans and loud whines that only his mother could understand. The novelty of being trapped in a small room with them quickly wore off, but it was fun for me to tell people about later because they’d be like wincing and telling me, “I understand that that would be annoying to sit through, but you kind of need to stop demonstrating it any more as soon as possible.”

So I was at least partly just venting all that preschooler grunt-whining I’d taken in a scant 24 hours earlier. I knew the front window was wide open to take full advantage of the lovely spring air outside, but I didn’t think twice about it because hey, I live on like a whole acre and someone would have to be standing right outside the front door to hear all the dog ruckus and and ricemaking and shout-groaning. And of course, I’d just seen with my own eyes that nobody was there.

Then from corner of my eye I saw motion outside the kitchen window, and it was the UPS guy like 5 feet from me and walking away from our front door. Apparently he’d walked up the driveway unnoticed. So there actually was a reason for the barking.


And here I was, making weird, primal toddler-whining noises next the an open window just a few feet from him during his long walk up the driveway, all the way to our front door. The closer he got, the louder the dogs got and the louder I squealed at them.

The guy was shaking his head, most likely wondering what manner of craziness was going on behind those doors, dogs and chihuahuas and a cockatiel and whatever sound that human guy was making. I can only guess what he might have thought.

Once he was 15 or 20 feet away, the dogs stopped barking and I’d already ceased my shout-groaning, so it was very quiet suddenly.