It’s not enough to be a rockstar and a guru any more

I just skimmed through a bunch of job ads, and basically every single one of either used the phrase “thinking outside the box” or stated the applicant must be a “ninja” in one or more specific skills. Or some combination of these phrases.

First of all, if circumstances ever placed you near a ninja, there’s a better than even chance that it was actually waiting with stillness INSIDE a nearby box or similar enclosure. (If you were near a ninja but it was underwater and breathing through a thin bamboo tube or something, where do you even live?)

Second of all, if you were to ever tell an actual ninja that you had used the word “ninja” to describe a level of accomplishment with, say, Photoshop or Social Media, they would probably slash your clothes with those cool clamp-on ninja climbing claws that were in 1980s Sho Kosugi ninja movies.

Also, at this point using the phrase “thinking outside the box” should maybe only be permitted if it’s a) typed on a Motorola 2-way pager, b) scrawled on a Palm Pilot with a stylus using their proprietary handwriting recognition system, Grafittiâ„¢, and then beamed to another nearby Palm Pilot, or c) emailed over a 56k phone modem using a trial AOL account installed from a colorful CD-ROM received in the mail in a shrink-wrapped DVD case.