Dog radio

If cats can have their own television stations, as I assume they do, there should be at least one radio station for dogs.

There could be tender, folky, platonic love songs like, “You Can Have Some Love, But You Can Keep Your Kisses (Because Your Mouth Smells Like the Dumpster Behind an All-You-Can-Eat Crawfish Place After the Night of a Particularly Successful Coupon Promotion)” and club bangers like “Who Wants a Scooby Snack?” (but it would sound like “Roo Runts a Rooby Rack.”)

There’d be like a squeeky toy sound or cat meowing from time to time, mostly just to keep the dogs interested and even if they had nothing to do with the song, and the choruses would include phrases like, “go for walk?” or “bac-on!” because, you know… dogs. And maybe a slide whistle solo from time to time so they’d tilt their heads sideways like they’re trying to actually understand the slide whistle solo.

Maybe some positive subliminal messages in too-high-for-human frequencies, a little something special just for the dogs to hear. (“Who’s a dog? YOU! YOU’RE a dog! Yes you are!”) Someone would sing them with a high pitched Hollywood kindergarten teacher voice or something.

The lyrics would need to use a combination of Yoda grammar and human toddlerspeak because everyone knows that speaking incorrectly helps dogs understand human speech better.