I remembered this half-sleeping idea I had one time for a business, you’d use some cool 3D printing device to design and manufacture custom Rock Em Sock Em robot heads, thereby empowering people to enact their dream battles in a safe and socially appropriate way. There could be some obvious pre-made sets just off the …
You got you, babe
While I was walking through the stupid parking lot at the local grocery store, I got the idea to change first person song lyrics and titles into the second person. “You Believe You Can Fly” might be ironic or condescending. “You Believe the Children Are the Future?” sounds cynical or something. “You Go to Extremes” …
You’ve had the best, now try the rest
My daughter has some of my sense of humor. We’ve been out and about the last couple days and of course there’s Father’s Day stuff everywhere. With a smile on her eye, she looked at one rack of grilling aprons or something we saw somewhere, and she said, “So everyone who gets one of those …
Full house, pooperscoopers high
I biked to a local park with Sydney, and on the basketball court, amidst a whole lot o fother chalk drawings, was the word “POOPERSCOOPER” in huge, careful chalk letters, which struck me as funny. Sydney stared at it for a second and said, “I get it.” I said, what? She pointed at 3 similar …
You’re never truly alone
The dogs were just barking for no reason as I stood in the kitchen putting on some brown rice. Knowing nobody else was in the house, for my own amusement I tried to make loud groany noises to distract the dogs from their barkery. The louder they barked for no reason, the louder and groanier …
Heart spackle
A Facebook friend posted a clip of a live version of “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?” and the instant I read the title my brain answered, “heart spackle.”
I’d rather be with you
I had this awesome dream last night: there was a comedic “roast” of me, and as the finalé my brain had dedicated a big musical number called “I’d Rather Be With You Than Someone Who Is Better.” (The dedication came literally from my brain, not like the dream itself came from my brain in some broad …
Another “that thing”
You know that thing when you make a hot instant drink where you stir powder in, like hot chocolate, and there are a few lumps left? And when you bite into one of the lumps and it’s not sweet or powdery, but crunchy and flavorless? Because it turned out that it was a junebug that …
Brain pain
Me: OK brain. I don’t like you and you don’t like me. Let’s just get this sleep thing happening and we’ll both feel better in the morning. Brain: No can do, señor. Me: What? Why? Brain: I’m too tired. You’ll have to find something else to do for a while. Me: Too tired… to sleep? …