Not everyone likes eggs, I guess

  • November 21, 2017

I was standing in the kitchen and on a whim, I called several dogs over to give them some kind of crunchy treats before I realized that I'm completely out of them. It's on my list of things to do over the next day or two, but they didn't seem to grasp my intention to totally catch up with them…

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Sometimes a bow and arrow is just a bow and arrow

  • November 9, 2017

I remembered a small chunk of a dream where I was with my family some kind of kid’s activity place. There were a few parents around, and lots of kids running around in vague groups. I was sitting on a bench near a little outdoor cafe with round tables and parents drinking coffee and using their phones and fussing with…

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Just call it whatever you want.

  • November 2, 2017

I remembered a snippet of a dream where I was playing piano for people somewhere, and I said something like, "I call this next one Spooky Monday," and then I started to play the Jackson 5 song Never Can Say Goodbye. Someone said, "Hey, that's the Jackson 5 song Never Can Say Goodbye," and I said, "I know, that's just…

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Hold the pickle

  • November 1, 2017

There was a cop in an SUV conspicuously parked on the street outside the school this morning, pretty typical. So I dropped her off and looped around the lot, and when I pulled back onto the street and slowly approached the SUV from behind, I noticed thin gold letters on the back left side that said CITRON. I was like,…

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Blue Eyed Soul

  • October 30, 2017

I just saw this black and white picture of Michael McDonald and the eyes were blue. I'd just had a conversation a few days earlier with my daughter about "blue eyed soul," and I asked if she noticed anything about the picture. She said, "Yeah, the eyes." I asked if she remembered what that meant, and she said, "Isn't that…

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Sunflower Seed Guy

  • October 25, 2017

I thought I'd found a killer spot at my kid's school at pickup time, but I didn't pay attention and now I'm stuck next to "sunflower seed guy," this old dude who eats a pound of sunflower seeds while he's waiting for his grandkid and spits or throws the shells out the window of his running minivan by the handful…

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Well, it is.

  • October 22, 2017

I just explained a bidet as "sort of a drinking fountain for your butt." To a couple of people who already knew what a bidet was, and one of whom was going, "Stop. Just stop." from the moment I started to speak because they knew they would not like whatever was coming next.

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I mean, come on…

  • October 20, 2017

You ever go to the craft store to shop for Halloween costume supplies for your kid, and on the way in you notice the early holiday decorations for Thanksgiving and Christmas and you take a deep breath and silently tell yourself, "I'm not going to judge everyone, I'm not going to judge everyone," but when you're standing in the checkout…

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Shadow Day

  • October 19, 2017

My kid is doing a "shadow day" at a high school she's thinking of going to next year, she'll follow some kid around, I assume in complete silence and staying in poorly-lit parts of each room, to get a feel for what a typical day is like there. I told her that when they come to meet her, when they…

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