Like it’s stolen

  • July 10, 2017

There’s this Jill Scott song called “Living My Life Like It’s Golden,” but I always hear it as “Living My Life Like It’s Stolen.” Like a t-shirt that says “Drive it like it’s stolen” and then there’s a picture of a Trans Am or something, but instead of driving it’s living and instead of a muscle car it’s someone’s life.

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At least I wasn’t Garfield

  • November 9, 2016

I had an odd dream last night that was in the form of simple, static comic panels, mostly colorful but a few in black and white. I don’t remember all of it, but the main comic character was me, with Far Side glasses and such. I was visiting a vacation cabin by a lake. I wanted to show my amazing…

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Don’t go changing

  • November 6, 2016

I was awakened early by my wife, whose early weekday schedule has her up similarly early on weekends, both through habit and because she has stuff to catch up on. I covered my head with a pillow to try to block the light and the oxygen enough to go back to sleep, and I drifted in and out as dogs…

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Maybe Gamera?

  • October 25, 2016

"I'm thinking of naming the bearded dragon Godzilla." "You're not naming that lizard after a big, hairy ape." (blank stare) "That's King Kong, isn't it?" "Yeah."

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Damn you, autocorrect… er, cruise control

  • October 25, 2016

Anette laughed for a second because she got a work text that had autocorrected to "hokey donkey" instead of "hokey dokey." I was reading an article on the rapidly arriving future of self-driving cars at exactly the same time. I had this quick flash where I thought of all the current clickbait stories about "22 Most Hilarious Autocorrects" and my…

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Did this ever work?

  • October 24, 2016

"I have the hiccups." You want me to try my secret hiccup cure on you? "It’s not a secret. At all. You just try to scare me." I mean, it’s also not much of a "cure," if we're being nit-picky.

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Achievement unlocked

  • October 22, 2016

There are all these long videos on Youtube that just contain background for meditation and relaxation, like Tibetan singing bowls or sparse piano music or the sound of a babbling brook. I wonder if there are any for more experienced meditators that have the same basic kind of soundtrack, but then every 14 minutes or so there's a screaming goat…

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Were you like, “nope?”

  • October 21, 2016

I was outside checking the grill and the phone rang in the house. The land line rarely generates real calls, it's mostly IRS scams and such, so there's usually not much pressure to run for it. My family was inside the house and it rang long enough that I figured nobody had picked it up, I figured they had looked…

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I took the tag off a mattress once, too

  • October 20, 2016

I felt like living a little dangerously, so I just took my phone off the charger when it was only 76% complete and I'm about to head out the door. Bam. I feel so alive. (I'll probably top it off later though.)

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Drop and give me ZwENty

  • October 19, 2016

When I was picking up my daughter, there was a woman engaged in a conversation in front of me and she had on gym clothes featuring a tank top that said "Drop and give me ZEN." I liked the idea, like, "Ha, they wrote Zen instead of Ten," but I realized I had no idea how you'd actually do it.…

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