I was standing in the kitchen and on a whim, I called several dogs over to give them some kind of crunchy treats before I realized that I’m completely out of them. It’s on my list of things to do over the next day or two, but they didn’t seem to grasp my intention to totally catch up with them later vis a vis the dog treats.

Being dogs, dwelling in the eternal here-and-now, they attempted to convey to me that that it would be pretty great if they could just get something from me sooner rather than later. Which was fair enough; it’s kind of a dick move to call someone over for a treat and then not deliver the goods.

I was already about to make a couple eggs for myself, and I thought, What the Hell and I decided to make each dog an over-easy egg. The pan was ready, the eggs were out, no real reason not to.

They each staked out a comfortable position a short distance away and waited with the focused patience of (domesticated) predators, conserving energy by following my brisk movements with their eyes alone. They knew something was happening but were not yet sure where their treats entered the picture.

Dogs always look wise when they’re pretending to be patient.

After their eggs had cooled enough, I slipped one into each of their bowls and watched.

Loki and Ripley were like GLORP and their eggs were gone before I’d stood back up, basically instantly.

Molly, a finicky eater, touched her egg with the tip of her tongue and very slowly turned to look at me like, “Dude… what… what is this?” and gave me a long, meaningful stare just in case she didn’t realize what the joke was. Like she wanted to be sure to give me a chance to swap her egg with, say, a Cornish game hen and go, “Ha! Just kidding, Molly – enjoy your Cornish game hen!” Which I did not do.

Loki waited for her to turn away in disappointment and then GLORP.

The chihuahua didn’t even try hers, she just curled around her bowl, which rests on a big comfortable pillow right where you would expect a chihuahua food bowl to be, and looked at her egg; she didn’t actually want it, she just didn’t want anyone else to have it. She seemed to relish the attention of having 3 real dogs standing around her and staring intently, even if it was “toward” her rather than “at” her since the egg they were focused on was 6-8 inches away in her bowl. Nobody attempted to get closer even though the next-smallest dog outweighs her by a factor of 4.

I finally picked it up and distributed her egg (GLORP) so they could all go about their days. Which they have done.

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