Sunflower Seed Guy
I thought I’d found a killer spot at my kid’s school at pickup time, but I didn’t pay attention and now I’m stuck next to “sunflower seed guy,” this old dude who eats a pound of sunflower seeds while he’s waiting for his grandkid and spits or throws the shells out the window of his running minivan by the handful while looking hatefully at whatever idiot parked next to him. On the other side is an old couple in a CR-V, also running, conservative talk radio blasting, also waiting for a grandkid, chain-smoking basically right into my open window. (Not many smokers usually.) I feel kind of like Leslie Nielsen in a Naked Gun stakeout.