I had this awesome dream last night: there was a comedic “roast” of me, and as the finalé my brain had dedicated a big musical number called “I’d Rather Be With You Than Someone Who Is Better.”

(The dedication came literally from my brain, not like the dream itself came from my brain in some broad abstract way, which is also accurate, it was explicitly announced as a dedication from my brain.)

I don’t remember most of the lyrics, but it was performed with very entertaining yet halfhearted choreography by a huge men’s choir composed of bedraggled movie extras of all shapes and sizes dressed in armor like those dwarfs in Time Bandits. Terry Gilliam could have actually guest directed this dream sequence.

It was mostly a pretty lengthy list of things that I could be better at. After the music number was over, each one of the armored guys gave me a shitty handmade valentine type card with some hilarious-to-me half-praise on it, like “Not all your glasses look completely stupid looking.” [sic]

It was like the line-by-line answer to the lengthy litany of self-doubt I go through each night just before sleeping. I woke up laughing and feeling 15 pounds lighter. (I wasn’t, though. Lighter.)

Thanks, brain. I choo-choo-choose you too.