My kid just used a Christmas gift card to buy a remote control vehicle she wanted. The precautions in the manual all make sense in their own way, but some of them seemed oddly specific.

• The sun is angry and unmerciful
• Do not drive through stink lines
• Do not ram brick walls
• Do not park on red needles. Or red indoor grass.
• Do not drive through that black, sentient oily stuff from the movie Prometheus

It’s no Happy Fun Ball.

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