When I become king I’m going to revise how moving violations are treated. I’ve had similar notions before but I had time to kind of work them out while staring at the road.

For starters, any time someone’s pulled over for a not-paying-attention offense, like they’re swerving between lanes or driving slowly in the left lane because of (texting/eating/reading/makeup/???), there’s no fine, no ticket, no points on the license. They just get their windshield removed for a month. If they get caught doing anything other than wearing goggles to compensate for the missing windshield, their car gets donated to a regional monster truck event. (They can have it back afterwards.)

For the next offense, the driver’s seat is removed for a month. In addition to the windshield. They can choose between a wooden fruit crate and an inflatable yoga ball as a replacement. If they get caught doing anything else to compensate for the missing seat their car gets donated to a regional monster truck event. (They can have it back afterwards.) Seatbelt laws still apply.

For the next offense, their steering wheel is removed for a month. In addition to the windshield and driver’s seat. They can choose between a steering wheel that’s twice as big as the normal one, half as big as the normal one, or Vice Grips to steer with. If they get caught compensating for the missing steering wheel in any other way, their car gets donated to a regional monster truck event. (They can have it back afterwards.)

There would be other penalties for the stubborn, but if someone still isn’t paying attention to the road even when they’re driving with a missing windshield, driver’s seat and steering wheel, they’ve got bigger problems. At some point they might not want their car back afterwards though.