Between the (very) mild fever I recently picked up and the brain buzz of a couple upcoming gigs I had to think about, I went to sleep very slowly and very late last night. After an undefined period of eventually deep sleep, I woke up with the sense that something wasn’t quite right.
My body hadn’t been twisted up by dogs and there wasn’t any unusual snoring and it was very quiet outside, but I finally realized there was something really uncomfortable under my left knee. Moving as little as possible to try to avoid completely waking up, I slowly figured out it was a grimy dog tennis ball under my kneecap and I’d been immobile on top of it for a while so it had become pretty unpleasant.
Still determined not to wake completely up, I tried to ‘pass’ the tennis ball from my left knee in the middle of the bed to my right knee on the outside of the bed so I could maybe just nudge it off once it got close to the edge.
But there were a lot more mammals in the middle of the bed than on the edge, so before I could ‘catch’ it with my right knee it would slowly roll back toward the center. Then I started to grab it with my right hand before it rolled back, but that didn’t work well either, it was all happening slightly slower than the ball was rolling.
Then I doubled my effort – I tried to also start grabbing it with my left hand when it rolled back. But it didn’t work, so I effectively just kept nudging the ball back and forth with my knees and reaching down too slowly to grab it. (No, I didn’t just stop. I was half asleep and it didn’t occur to me. Shut up.)
After about 45 seconds of constant, big, slow motion, I realized with a jolt that I was Prancercizing, face down and in slow motion and completely of my own volition, in the middle of the night.
I stopped instantly, sat up, grabbed the ball and dropped it unceremoniously over the side of the bed, and was fully awake again.