I was just trying to use the hotel shampoo and they have this insidious setup where you force a blob of shampoo out – eventually – using an intense, vicelike grip, but when you try to claim your shampoo blob it sucks completely back in. Mocking you.

It took me 3 tries to master the squeeze-and-hold technique, and I caught myself for the next 10 minutes trying to come up with insults to the hotel shampoo bottle and I was like, “Dude, you’re trying to come up with insults for a shampoo bottle.”

It’s fun to be out. Seriously.

Note: Marshall Karp’s famous comment about mastering the squeeze-and-hold grip technique in the shower is not pasted here but is still available on Facebook. You probably already get the gist, though.